Personal house/soul-keeping

"The pain of regret outweighs the pain of self-discipline"
- wish I knew whose quote this is. Wise words indeed that I need reminding of occasionally.

Admittedly we all have our fair share of little habits that irritate, enrage and even baffle the unfortunate ones who are around when we go into "high drama" mode. At times my personal oddities are even enough to drive myself mental - aesthetically awesome is not a description that comes to mind here. Quite the contrary.

On that note, why don't we touch on house/soul-keeping. Not the dusting and vacuuming kind but on a more personal level.
Taking stock of one's airs and quirks in an honest and frank way ever so often is a great tool for remaining firmly grounded.

Thing with house/soul-keeping though is that it's way easier to do it for someone else. Take the time to ponder just how much unasked-for advise we liberally dish out every day? The more highbrow, the better. Sounds awfully familiar, doesn't it. That brings us back to the pain of regret and rather biting ones tongue next time when the urge strikes to do your friends a "favour" on where they need some house/soul-keeping in your opinion. If you do find it impossible to keep it to yourself - do us all a real favour and think at least about the message you intend to bring across instead of blurting it out haphazardly. People and their feelings are equally fragile.

Personally, my stock taking during House/soul-keeping happens on paper. I prefer to put pencil to paper and word for word write of the annoying things I do or don't do. Oh man, and that list has the potential to grow quickly. With self-discipline and some elbow grease I'm working on the top three. I'm not telling, but one of my "monsters" could be to work on time management. Of course the pain of regret of not completing a project on time far outweighs the pain of disciplining myself to work in a more focussed manner.

See where I'm going with this?

I then proceed to writing a personal mantra or affirmation based on me actually having great time management skill - it is always worded in the present and I try to keep it positive. My mantra goes wherever I go since it's written on a scrap of paper that I carry in my i-pod case. Synchronicity enters the stage as well and all of a sudden I'm just happening to come across great books on the subject.

Magical? Mysterious? Who cares?

Point is that my time management skills really are improving - I even had time to blog today.

So whatever your "tool" might be for taking stock. Do it and take stock. Identify what is hindering you and start working on it.

Might sound (and prove to be) daunting but the feeling of being present and grounded as a result is worth the effort.

...and I'm all for feet firmly on the ground.

Count your blessings.

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."
~ Eric Hoffer

I'm practicing a simple yet effective technique to remain (mostly) in a state of gratefulness. All one needs is a moment to be still, a piece of paper and a pen.
Now list 50 aspects/events/people/items you are grateful for. This exercise doesn't call for a psychoanalysis based on what you listed, its sole purpose is to move you into a space of being more appreciative.

And it makes sense in a way since standing firmly in gratitude is the key to aligning oneself with ones dreams, goals and aspirations.

I like to think of it as seeing and thanking. Seeing and acknowledging the good in your life and being thankful for your blessings.

My first attempt at this exercise went all dandy until I reached point 26. Blank!
Unable to think of anything else it took me a minute or so to start thinking of different aspects of my life and all of a sudden my view on what I was grateful for was slightly altered - in a positive way.

In my case the mundane becomes magical. I found myself being grateful for even the
hard times since it allowed me space and opportunity to grow.

Today, I keep my list saved on my desktop and make a point of reading through it every few days.

So start counting. By the end of your list you might have discovered more than you thought was possible.

Giving and giving and giving and...

Must admit I had mixed feelings when it came to the word GIVING. Could've be a reflection of my misgivings with regards to Consumerism or possibly even an indication that I was not giving enough myself. As I grew I realised that my doubts laid in the expectations of reciprocation behind gift giving and not the act of giving itself. Slowly my definition of giving changed and it evolved into a much broader concept, if you like. The act of giving transcended coloured wrapping paper and ribbons and instead grew into giving what is dear to you. Be it time, a helping hand or even a smile - and that appealed to me. It still does.

My gracious friend Nicole Graham sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago about a 29 day-giving challenge. She already started her challenge the beginning of this month and I've started mine today. In short for the next 29 days (loving the 29 days since it really ingrains a new or refreshed habit of giving) we'll give something to others. Your gift could be anything really, from giving money for a cause that appeals to you to offering advice to someone struggling at the office - the possibilities are endless. Have a look at the website for more information - great clip on the woman who got the ball rolling and gave back what she was "gifted" by turning it into a global challenge. She was aiming for 2,000 people to sign up for the challenge and the last time I looked there were already 2,300 givers worldwide.

I leave you with one of my favourite passages from "The Prophet" on you guessed it; Giving.

"There are those who give little of the much which they have - and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome.
And there are those who have little and give it all.
These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty."

Chakra test

Well, I'm gobsmacked - never knew that by answering a few simple questions one would be able to know which of your chakras are overactive, under active or just right. Hmmmm.....

And here I was thinking that I'd need to find a lady with purple hair and a crystal ball to see how my energy wheels are spinning.

Click this link to see what your chakras are up to.

More Ho-Ho; Ha-Ha-Ha!

Regular readers will recall my post on Laughter Yoga and Heloise who teaches this technique. For those just as intrigued as I am with laughing for no apparent reason here's a nifty little book to dig into.
It's written by none other than Dr. Madan Kataria, one of the founders of Laughter Yoga.

Dr. Kataria's book is chock-a-block with delightful photos, useful exercises and other tidbits of information. The man's good humour shines through on every page.

One of my favourite excerpts:
" Sun demands no reason to shine;
Water demands no reason to flow;
A child demands no reason to be happy;
Why do we need a reason to laugh?"

Thumbs-up for this inspiring read.

Full Moon as Muse.

Searching for you through wispy clouds;
We play hide and seek - your radiant face obscured.

The prelude to our union feels different tonight.
I'm aching for you. My breasts heavy and my womb contracting.

On your own time you appear and as on cue I sit down to welcome you.
Forehead anointed and heart wide open I am ready.

My offer to you, an ever welcome release of thick sticky tears - if honey was salty this was it!

Tears so saline they don't drop, but plop onto my dress.
Moist circles growing wider on the fabric as if rushing to embrace.
My womb contracts and another circle joins in.

With eyes closed and breath easy and deep I play in your loving beams.
Little nuances provided by the clouds caressing your face for me to dip and slide upon.

I open my eyes every now and then to gaze at you while whispering just how happy I am.
Whispers swept up by the gentle breeze and delivered straight to you. Midnight express.

Much later I lie down and with hands like paint brushes I create pictures and mandalas;
tracing lines and shading with my palms.
Dark sky an inky backdrop - nature's expansive canvas.
A creative dance with you centre stage.

As I say goodnight I make my usual promise to follow and appreciate your darker side while looking forward to your ripeness when time comes.
...and you wink at me. A reminder to do the same with my life.

There is no light OR dark; only light AND dark.
None without the other.

Invite laughter into your life.

Heloise van Heerden, a close friend of mine is (beside other things) a Laughter Yoga instructor. Everything about this woman is upbeat, positive and spunky. Here is her take on Laughter Yoga and its benefits.

"Many scientific studies have confirmed the positive effects of laughter on our mental, emotional and physical health. Examples of the positive effect of laughter can be found in the work of Norman Cousins (“Anatomy of an illness”) and even the popular Patch Adams, among many others.
It is also believed that the body does not know the difference between real and “fake” laughter – you still reap the benefits.
So, in 1995 a medical doctor by the name of Dr Madan Kataria, whilst doing research on laughter, found the practice that is known today as Laughter Yoga. What started as a “laughter club” with Dr Kataria and four other people in a park in Mumbai, India, has spread across the world, with many laughter clubs meeting on a regular basis.

Funny enough a session involves NO jokes or deliberate humour. You start with a good stretch and then some rhythmic clapping. This is followed with chanting, movement and guided laughter exercises. It is important that participants make eye contact with one another and smile as they do this.
Most important is to have fun and let go during a session.

Some of my favourite laugher exercises are: Namaste greeting laughter - in two’s, you greet one another in the Namaste position, remember to laugh as you do it and greet as many as possible people in the session; Lizard-walk laughter - everyone walk like lizards (it’s all in the hips ladies, remember the S-shape as you walk!) and remember to laugh as loud as possible as you move around. Tickle-soap laughter – whilst mimicking showering and soaping yourself in, the soap all of a sudden turns into “tickle soap” and you laugh uncontrollably!

Understandably many participants do not laugh naturally from the beginning of a session, but it is important that they follow my lead and fake the laughter if they have to, eventually the laughter will come naturally...
I normally end of a session with some more chanting, and finally, to ground participants I’ll take them through either a guided relaxation exercise or a laughter meditation.

There are also many other ways you can practice laughter in day to day life.
Watch a funny movie – and laugh!
Think of the funniest joke you’ve ever heard – and laugh!
Next time something happens that normally freaks you out – laugh some more! It’s always easier solving the problem while in a good state of mind.
Practice gratitude – I find this an amazing way to bring positive energy into my world and the more positive I feel the more naturally laughter flows!
(Tip: Whenever you feel off balance, write down five things you are grateful for – it works)"

Are you a HOT talker?

Don't worry - this post is not as lustful as the header suggests.

I read the other day that the quality of ones communication is directly related to your quality of life and vice versa. After thinking it through I must say that I wholly agree.

Personally speaking, quality of life, besides a full belly and security is about the state of relationships with the people one interacts with every day. These include loved ones, colleagues, the homeless man on the street. Whether these relations are in constant tension or mostly peaceful is an indication of the quality of your life. What kind of mirror are you?
Do you reflect compassion or annoyance through the way you interact with others?

We all have a friend who can speak to almost anyone. A person who makes friends and acquaintances wherever they go. The kind of person who touches your heart and leaves you feeling upbeat.

In stark contrast I know a number of people too who tend to say the wrong
thing all the time. Unknowingly (let's give them the benefit of the doubt) they would heap insults on the hostess of the party or rant and rave endlessly about nothing. A true drama queen.

Those who are more skilled at expressing their wishes, needs, wants and desires have a much greater chance of fulfilling these. Of course great communication is only effective when you talk to the right person but we won't go there today. Let's keep it simple by assuming we know who our audience is.

That's where being a HOT talker comes in.

H - Heartfelt.Be sincere, take time to consider the impact of your words on others.

O - Open. How open are you to others opinions? It never hurts to listen.

T - Truthful and trustworthy.

Breathing a sigh of relief.

Having access to a wise woman makes me a blessed person indeed. Every now and then she gives me these little pointers or snippets that never fail to come in useful. Best of all is that she instinctively knows what I'm going through without me uttering a word. The fact that we live 4 hours away from one another makes it even more amazing.

My post today is not to gush over my wise woman (even though I could) but rather to chat about breathing. So allow me to quickly bring you up to speed on why breathing as a topic is so dear to me today. During the past four months I started a new job, moved to another country, said goodbye to my supporting friends and most traumatic of all, had no choice but to leave my two cats with a friend.

Don't get me wrong. I adore this new chapter in my life, but you know what they say about too much of a good thing....
It has always been normal for me to run around from one task to the next.
Treacherous schedules, deadlines, to-do lists - bring it on!
Everything comes at a cost though and for me it was not being able to get a decent rest at night because I struggled to fall asleep.
In the past, working with my breath to relax before bed-time helped a great deal.
This is exactly where the "sigh of relieve" comes in.

Having done Yoga for a while I'm not new to pranayama - the art of controlling the breath or prana. My practice though has been somewhat erratic and basically non-existent since my move to Singapore. Back in Hong Kong my wise woman reminded me time and again to practice, practice, practice. You might ask why controlling the breath takes practice, after all, breathing is a natural process, it just happens.

Think back to your childhood. Remember how mesmerised you were the first time you heard someone whistling a tune. My uncle loved to whistle the South African anthem. After hearing him the first time I was hooked. My requests to teach me fell on deaf ears and it was only after he got sick and tired of me following him around with my "imitation" whistle - sounding more like a wolf howling at a very strange pitch - that he sat me down and took me through the basics. It was hard and I think it took me about a year (not kidding) but at the end I could do it. Today, it comes easy.

That's the point with pranayama. It might be hard but the benefits are far-reaching if you persist and continue practicing.
You become more relaxed and have the ability to remain focussed in situations that previously would've left you anxious or angry. In other words: you handle life more efficiently and that brings a degree of peace to your daily existence.

It took an email from my wise woman reminding me that "we enter this world with an inhalation and we depart with an exhalation". Thanks for the nudge, mm.

I don't have the expertise to teach you how to practice pranayama but here is a link to a great site.

You know where to find me if you want to learn to whistle though...

One hour is all you get...

Had an inspiring chat with a friend this morning who asked me a profound question.
My shocked expression left him laughing while I was speechless (maybe even a little breathless).
Whatever happened to lazy Sunday morning chats about the weather? Just kidding.
Anyway, allow me to throw the question back to you. I would love to hear your answers - so come on, be nice and share.

Picture this: you have only one hour left to live i.e. your last hour in this body. You are granted one phone call during said time. Now. Who would you phone? What would you say? Or could it be that you hope the person you call will say that "something" you've been waiting to hear for a long time?

So grab a coffee, tea or whatever you need to answer this question and T-H-I-N-K.
Your answer might even leave you inspired for the week to come.

Letting go of self-limitation.

I've been doing a fair amount of pondering on the idea of self-limitation and it's impact on our actions and consequently our choices in life. Why do we limit ourselves thus turning into our own nemeses? Are we that petrified of injury or insult to our physical body, psyche and PRIDE? Are we really that vulnerable and weak? As always fear darkens our view and from there it's down hill all the way if you ask me.

The flip side though is far more appealing and empowering. How about focusing on what we can gain by breaking the suffocating mould we define as our "real self". Can you imagine the benefits we can reap within our communities the moment individuals start operating from a more open-minded position? Now, that is something to get excited about.

This all sounds very warm and fuzzy. How does one take the idea and assimilate it into something tangible.
I'm a firm believer in baby steps and for the next couple of weeks my tools to overcome my self-limiting ideas will be:

- Say yes instead of no. Instead of thinking about the hundred and one tasks on my to-do list and declining social invitations I am going to accept each and every one of them for the next few weeks (that's until I fall over from exhaustion). Who knows what new opportunities might present itself when I become more accepting.

- Stand back and look at the BIG picture. Just how minute are these personal fears of mine on a global scale. Are my fears really valid or am I just comfortable coming up with excuses.

- Don't play the "could've, would've, should've" game. Accept where I am now and realise that it's good enough. I'm not going to be happier or more outgoing once I've dropped five pounds or have super straight silky hair. Stay in the moment, you already have all the tools you need to face today.

- Be a warrior. Put a smile on that gorgeous face and just do it. Jump into the uncomfortable moments with gusto and savour them. After the first attempt it all becomes easier.

- Come up with a personal mantra. The story of "the Little engine that could" comes to mind here. "I know I can, I know I can."

Be inspired.